Saturday, August 20

My Random Saturday

Hello, world.

A break from my travel stories once again, something personal. I was watching a few videos and started becoming emotional. I have always wondered where I am into forgetting you and how we once were.

It's true, I have been able to move forward - move forward in a sense that I don't spend my nights lying on my bed crying anymore or staring into the sky but I think I have just mastered the art of running away from it. Running away from whatever is causing me to be sad or sulky. I have learned that feelings do pass, and even the feelings you had when you had those memories, may it be happy or sad. Although it doesn't and will never change the fact that no matter how hard you try, you will miss the good times - how he brushes your hair out of your face on random moments of the day, how even if you are seated away from each other on the bus he manages to assure you that he's there, or how he gives you the hug or kiss that you want wherever, whenever he deems it makes you feel a little better. I miss the normalcy - the feeling of being normal and still being together. I miss how I used to tease you, show you my happy dance, or be annoying, and it will still be the same. I miss how you look at me like I am an adorable piece of creature who came out of the sky. I miss how I message you whenever I don't have an outfit in mind therefore obliging you to choose from options. I miss how you always assured me that whatever is happening, you are there. It didn't matter what situation I was in, even if you don't have the perfect solution, I don't feel scared knowing that every single thing might mess up but you won't.

I mean, seriously, how can people have relationships, watch it break down, be gone, and be okay? The thought that this person who used to be an important part of your Sundays, your weekdays, and every single day, won't be available to witness how amazing you have been. It makes me cry sometimes knowing that I have matured, I have become this responsible person at work who never misses a single paper work or deadline, and you are not here to witness all of it. I know you'd tell me you are proud of me and that I shouldn't think of it as something you did or helped me with, and that it's all me but those are even the remarks that I miss the most. I miss every single moment, dear. I don't know when or how but time will come and it will all be better (without the running away).

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